Entries Tagged as 'Humor'

Crazy Joe Didn’t Say

OK, all my liberal, fact-checking friends, Crazy Joe Didn’t Say “…when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.”

 Crazy Joe Didn’t Say

Joe Biden was speaking with Katie Couric when he was speaking about the role of the White House in a financial crisis.

“When the stock market crashed, Franklin Roosevelt got on the television and didn’t just talk about the princes of greed,” Biden told Couric. “He said, ‘Look, here’s what happened.'”

As Reason’s Jesse Walker footnotes it: “And if you owned an experimental TV set in 1929, you would have seen him. And you would have said to yourself, ‘Who is that guy? What happened to President Hoover?'”

The Christian Science Monitor after that comment asked if Joe Biden was the John Beluschi of politics, that’s right, the Vice President of the United States.

With Democrats on the verge of a possibly deflating vote, Mr. Biden played the role of defiant cheerleader this weekend. He sat down with CNN’s Gloria Borger and said he’s not buying all those forecasts that show the GOP making big gains.

“I don’t agree with the odds makers,” said Biden. “I predict we’re going to, we’re going to keep the Senate.”

OK, so Joe was not as worked up as John Belushi in his famous “Animal House” speech. (“Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? [Expletive] no!”)

The two things got conflated and Crazy Joe (John Beluschi) said the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

But let’s not forget, he did say:

”If we do everything right, if we do it with absolute certainty, there’s still a 30% chance we’re going to get it wrong.”

”A man I’m proud to call my friend. A man who will be the next President of the United States — Barack America!”

”I promise you, the president has a big stick. I promise you.”

—Joe Biden, citing Theodore Roosevelt’s famous quote, ”Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.” (April 26, 2012)

”Stand up, Chuck, let ’em see ya.”

—Joe Biden, to Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair, Columbia, Missouri, Sept. 12, 2008

”You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent…. I’m not joking.”

—Joe Biden, in a private remark to an Indian-American man caught on C-SPAN, June, 2006

Why do we believe that Crazy Joe Biden said that about Germany bombing Pearl Harbor? Because he isn’t the sharpest tool in the tool box. In fact, he’s right up there with Shirley Jackson Lee who said in 1997, while on a trip to the Mars Pathfinder operations center in California, Jackson Lee asked if the Pathfinder had succeeded in taking a picture of the flag planted on Mars by Neil Armstrong in 1969.

Carly Fiorina Just Bought SethMeyers.org

A thinking person’s choices for the up-coming election are not limited to Hillary – Bush or Bush – Hillary. There are many good choices on the Republican side including Carly Fiorina.

According to Dr. Jack Wheeler at To The Point News.

“Thanks to The Lying Swine, Pam (Geller) now has the podium she deserves.  And there’s more good news this week – lots of it.  One reason is another lady mensch who is also “making the right enemies.”  That would be just-announced (5/04) presidential candidate Carly Fiorina.

I’m really starting to like her. As the article in the link above explains:

“She can articulate the case for free enterprise that can best appeal to the middle, especially working-class voters in swing states like Ohio. Government regulation and spending tilts the playing field towards the well-connected political class, crushing opportunity for entrepreneurs and rewarding the cronies.

This is both an economic argument and a fairness argument, and it’s only tenable if it’s fueled by attacks on corporate welfare and crony capitalism.”

The Washington Examiner explained (5/07) why Carly Fiorina Is Doing It Right So Far.  One hilarious example came on Tuesday (5/05), when she hoisted Late Night host Seth Meyers on his smart-ass petard.

Knowing he would poke fun at her for not registering “carlyfiorina.org” (as she did for every other permutation), when he did so she asked him if he knew who owned “sethmeyers.org.”  When he said he had no idea, she told him, “I do – I just bought it in the Green Room (where show guests sit before going on), and it was really cheap ($16).”

Not only that, when you enter sethmeyers.org as a URL, it automatically reroutes tocarlyforpresident.com.  This lady is cool.  Enjoy the takedown:


Great Advice For the French

From To the point News and Dr. Jack Wheeler:

Millions of French men and women are proclaiming Je suis Charlie – I am Charlie – as we all know.  But saying it is not proving it.  That must be done by doing, by concrete action.

Yes, they can agitate and demand their government do what’s necessary – such as:

*Eliminate all Non-Moslem No-Go Zones in France;  apply normal police authority to them as anywhere else.

*Eliminate Islamic Sharia Law as having any binding legal authority in France.  Any Moslem demanding to live under Sharia Law will be provided with a one-way ticket to the Islamic country of his choice where Sharia prevails.

*Terminate all welfare programs and assistance of any kind to all non-French citizens.

*Allow rifle, shotgun, and handgun ownership and concealed and open carry by anyone over 30 years old who is a natural born Frenchman who can pass a criminal background and shooting test.

*Change any criminal and civil laws that impair self defense and defense of others. Adopt theCastle Doctrine which legalizes killing burglars, robbers, muggers, car thieves, arsonists, and other  traditional thugs.

Good luck on their Euroweenie government doing any of this.  So let’s focus on what Frenchfolk can do themselves.  And how perfect it would be for them to prove they are Charlie through that ultimate expression of their culture – food.

The timing couldn’t be better.  There’s an ingredient in French cuisine that no self-respecting French chef would be without, yet strikes horror in the hearts of both Moslems and Moochelle Obama together with her fascist food police.  You can’t get better than that.  We are talking aboutlard – rendered pig fat.  And guess what?

Lard Is The New Health Food.  Quite seriously.

That’s according to Food & Wine (the link above – it’s a must-read if only because it’s so entertainingly written).  Also according to the British lefties of the London GuardianConsider Lard – and the US lefties at HuffPo10 Reasons You Should Be Cooking with Lard (another must-read for explanatory clarity).

What used to be an insult synonymous with gluttony and cardiac arrest, lard now has gone healthy gourmet.  The most health-conscious now demand non-hydrogenated artisanal lard. Google “non-hydrogenated lard” and you’ll get 45,000 hits – among them links to various suppliers.

There’s even a cookbook out now celebrating it:  Lard: The Lost Art of Cooking with Your Grandmother’s Secret Ingredient.

Thus it should be an easy sell to persuade restaurants everywhere in France to cook with lard, every bakery to prepare their goods with lard, for every Frenchman and lady to demand their morning croissant baked with lard.  Accept no substitutes!

“By any estimation, lard is a healthier fat than butter,” notes the Guardian and gives the facts why.  A croissant made with lard instead of butter is amazingly tastier.  You’ve never actually eaten real French Fries unless cooked in lard, for that was how they originated before lard’s demonization. This enables every McDonalds in France to brag their pommes frites are now fried in healthy lard rather than industrial oil.

The French proving they are Charlie with lard is a real hat trick: 1) They get to claim they are advocating cooking with lard for health reasons, not to be anti-Islamic (wink, wink, chortle).  2) Any restaurant that cooks with lard guarantees Moslem-free dining for its patrons.  3) What they are eating really does taste more delicious and really is healthier for them.

The true action item, however, is not just persuading restaurants and bakeries to cook with healthy lard but to publicize it – state it prominently on their menus and ads:  We prepare our meals/baked goods with pure French lard – it’s the new health food!

In no way imply the motivation is Anti-Moslem, Anti-Halal (“halal” is food adhering to Koranic restrictions).  “We just want to eat healthy” is the only motivation – and try hard to say that with a straight face.

Lard – the new health food is a meme that will drive Moslems in France crazy, and many out of France entirely.    It is the perfect way for all those millions of French waving their Je suis Charliesigns to prove they really are.

This morning (1/14) in France, all five million copies of the latest issue of Charlie Hebdo featuring a crying Mohammed on the cover sold out quickly.   Here’s the cover they could follow that up with:

Note:  The word in French is the same — lard.  Feel quite free to send this proposal to anyone you may know in France.

I’ll Never Come Home Empty-Handed Again!

Now why didn’t they have something like this when I was dating so many years ago? The device could tell me her temperature, hot or cold; married or single, height, weight, what kind of car impresses her, favorite drink, movie, music. I never would have gone home empty-handed.

How Bad Could It Have Been Without Global Warming?

This photo shows snow in Lexington, South Carolina. Snow fell on states in the Upper Midwest and the South for the first time this season Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2816880/65-mph-winds-creating-freak-waves-slam-cars-Chicago-early-snowfall-Sierra-Nevada-Wacky-weather-greets-change-season-clocks-weekend.html#ixzz3HqBucIkL Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

This photo shows snow in Lexington, South Carolina. Snow fell on states in the Upper Midwest and the South for the first time this season

Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Columbia, SC has just experienced their earliest snow in 125 years of weather records, beating the Nov. 9, 1913 earliest snow record by 8 days. Current South Carolina weather shows it’s still snowing in Greenville, SC.

The Christian Science Monitor is reporting Greenville was especially hard hit with downed trees and power outages. The Smokey Mtns received up to 16 inches overnight. The current U.S. snow cover map shows 18 states with some amount of snow this morning.

Tuesday Humor

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Scientists Grow Penises…

Yes, that’s the headline on Drudge: Scientists grow penises… I immediately wondered if they did so on purpose or was this a side effect of some experiment gone wrong? Were there men who experienced this phenomenon or both males and females? Where did these penises appear? On the face like acne? On the arms like sunburn? Or like hair on a woolly leg?
Turns out that scientists have managed to grow penises in the lab. The organs would be used to help men who have suffered a serious injury to the region, had surgery for cancer or are suffering from a congenital abnormality. Well, my congratulations to the scientists, who say the penises will be ready in about five years. The article also says that they have managed to grow vaginas and have implanted four. It’s an amazing world. No picture of a penis or vagina was provided with this article.

White House Intruder Cartoon

This photo appeared in the Boston Herald, Oct. 1, 2014. (Image courtesy: Boston Herald)

This photo appeared in the Boston Herald, Oct. 1, 2014. (Image courtesy: Boston Herald)

The Boston Herald apologized for the cartoon, apparently for the watermelon reference. Guess it could have been another flavor. The cartoon is funny, though.

Does Obama Live In Disneyland?

In a talk with from Tumblr users at the White House on Wednesday, Obama said 

“I mean, the truth of the matter is that for all the challenges we face, all the problems that we have, if you had to be — if you had to choose any moment to be born in human history, not knowing what your position was going to be, who you were going to be, you’d choose this time. The world is less violent than it has ever been. It is healthier than it has ever been. It is more tolerant than it has ever been. It is better fed then it’s ever been. It is more educated than it’s ever been.”(emphasis added)

Most would disagree. Practically every country is at war with some other country, and it feels like we are on the edge of World War III. The whole middle east could blow up at any time. Iran is at the doorstep of nuclear weapons. The U.S. is meddling in the Ukraine. Japan and China are at loggerheads. We have Russian bombers flying 50 miles off the California coast and any day we could have an EMP attack that would indirectly kill 100 million Americans. Then there’s our southern border…don’t get me started.

This is the first time in our history that one generation will not live better than their parents. And as far as better fed, we have 47 million Americans that are dependent on the government for food.

Please!

 

Polish Artist Pawel Kuczynski Questions


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